Am I a racist? If I am, are you one too?

My confession : I have never dated outside my race. let me explain a bit. First I’ve never been a big dater I met my husband when I was still in high school, got married a few years later and have been happily married until his passing six years ago. Since then I have only seriously dated two people (one an ex from back in the day and the other a friend that I still casually date). So a lot of the reason I’ve remained exclusive to my race has been due to lack of time in the dating scene. Recently I was having a conversation with a very close friend who is a beautiful black woman still waiting for her perfect black man. My only question is in this day and age is it like fighting a losing battle to limit yourself by looking for a black man? When you look at it more black women are becoming educated and successful. Like women from any race we would like to share our lives with a man that has just as much to bring to the table that we bring. However when you look at it, the amount of black men in that pool is VERY limited due to several factors (now before I make this list I am very aware that these things are a factor with any race, but to be honest they affect or community in a very profound way).

   
• Incarceration (There is a very sad joke that pretty much says the easiest place to find a single black man is in lockup).    
• Having an occupation that will lead to incarceration (lets face it being black isn’t the reason they got locked up).    
• Uneducated or Undereducated (I’m being honest not saying a man has to have a PhD but most women want a man they can talk to about things relevant to them).    
• Unemployed or Underemployed (Again I’m being honest we all know there are exceptions to the rule but if you don’t want to carry me why would I want to carry you).    
• Having a House In Virginia (and I don’t mean real estate) lets face it blacks currently have the highest growing rate of HIV.    
• Addicted to something other than my love (nuff said).    
• He is NOT looking for his perfect BLACK woman.    
• He’s too busy looking for HIS perfect black man (publicly or privately which is one of the reasons why that HIV rate is climbing.

I didn’t even begin to talk about the issues that affect women of any race (baggage from old relationships, inability to commit, lack of a compatible personality, or just plain unattractive, told you I’m going to be honest). Are we as black women robbing ourselves of the opportunity to be happy with someone by limiting ourselves to one race? Let’s face it black men have been exercising their options for decades. I would lose count of how many black women who, like me, have only dated black men yet I only know one black man who has maintained the same racial exclusivity. Now, until recently I never thought myself to be looking for a black man just a good man. The other day I was at the grocery store and a pretty friendly (or so at the time I thought he was just being friendly) white man started a conversation with me and continued the conversation until I made it to the checkout at which time he asked me for my number. A normal course of action however it threw me completely off for some reason it never hit me that this man was hitting on me. I know some of my friends are going to say that I’m normally dense when it comes to relationship issues I’m the type of person that you have to be very direct with (heck my husband had to purpose to me 3 times before I realized he was serious) But please believe if a black man looks at me two times for more than two seconds my radar goes off. In hindsight I’m beginning to realize I get hit on by men of different races on a fairly regular basis yet I never seem to get it. Is it that I’m dismissing them from the jump because they aren’t black men? It’s not that I don’t find men of other races attractive I know quite a few single men that aren’t black that I would consider good looking but I have never pondered the idea of dating them. So tell me am I a racist? Are you in the same boat with me? Either way I got to get this radar worked on.

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